The last two months.... In a nut shell!!!

I can not even begin to grasp all the changes I have made in the last 15months, let alone the last 2 months!!! 

June 5th was like an other day... Kids, laundry, meals, Ect....... 

The bike my mom had given me 2 years prior had just been hanging in the garage, taunting me with how out of shape I felt, every time I stepped foot out there.... I was on bed rest the year prior while pregnant with our son, then I had major heart complications/procedures with an exercise restriction (which, at the time was a glorious excuse to sit around and not do much physical activity.) Then a broken foot.... I felt so weak... Like I couldn't possibly accomplish any sort of exercise.... The lavender frame of the bike caught the light, dancing in the corner of my eye, almost out of sight, but just enough to tease me.... 

Finally, I just walked over to that stinking bike, pulled it down off the rack, and pedaled off.... I had made up my mind June 5th that I was tired of feeling sick and tired. I wanted more. I wanted to feel better. I was ready to FEEL healthy now that they said my heart seemed healthy enough for exercise... I rode 12miles that first day! 12miles!!!!!!! I had no idea I was capable of that!!! I was so proud!! And then so sore!! BUT, I HAD DECIDED I WOULD RIDE MOST NIGHTS AFTER THE BABIES WENT TO BED, no matter how sore I was!!!!!  I didn't set a "rest day" in stone, because I knew, life with 5 kids would cramp my riding schedule at times and I would just call those days my rest days :) 

This was my first real road ride.... We finished 25 miles.... But.... We rode on one of the hottest days of the month and we started too late.... I got sick from the heat.... Learned that lesson!!!!

I honestly have to remind myself of this a lot. Some days I'm just tired.... I mean, seriously, I have 5 kiddos and pets!!!! Who would have the energy to ride most days!!! In the beginning I honestly had to force myself to get on the bike.... Now, it's my release.... It's my time.... 

Alone Time!!!!! Me, my bike, and Dutch Love!!!!

And I get to witness His handy work on an almost nightly basis!!!!! Simply Stunning!!!!

This is the backside of the Sundial Bridge!!! I finished 30.8 miles this day and had my first crash.... In my defense, a rattlesnake was going to eat me!!! (I'll spare you those pictures!!)

It has not yet been two full months since I first pedaled out of my driveway, taking off on my journey.... To date, I have ridden 408 miles!!!!!

 

408 Miles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

We are prepping for my first organized ride as well. We are venturing up to Salem Oregon to do a 70 mile ride!!!! I am so nervous and so excited all at the same time!!  August 11th is approaching fast!!!! 

Oh, and I got myself a new, fancy shmancy road bike in perpetration for this event!!!! (My new Specialized Ruby is soooooooo much faster than my old Diamondback Hybrid!!!!)

Wish me luck!!!! And stay tuned for an update on the event!!! 

Dealing with discouragement.....

I have a hard time with discouragement. In a completely different way but much the same as my lack of self confidence.... I know this relates closely to my upbringing and the depths of my abuse, but it is still are hard pill to swallow when I am feeling so much control and self confidence building within me. 

Rationally or irrationally, I always feel as if people I am close with are conspiring against me.... I feel as if I am being pushed out, as if every force involved is pressing against me to not be involved. 

I was having a day like this yesterday... I felt as if the forces were against me... I sulked.... I pouted.... I felt like I wanted to cry although I wasn't totally sure what I wanted to cry about, a feeling?.... I stomped around a bit.... I questioned my own motives for wanting what I want (knowing full well that I am aspiring for greatness for all the right reasons...) I questioned the motives of others, rather the made up version of motives I had invented in my mind.. I even asked you guys how you handled discouragement.......

Then I found this.....

One after the other in my news feed!!!! He was speaking to ME!!! He was telling me to knock it off and look around! He was telling me exactly what I needed to do! I needed to pray about my self concocted problem..... I needed to be at peace, to know I was on the right path. I was doing what I was planned for.... 

Oh..... And chocolate helped too!!!!!! But who am I kidding, chocolate helps everything!!!

So, the moral of my little blubber~

~Pay attention... You will be shown what you are meant for! Pay attention to what is said to you, pay attention to what is asked of you...

~Trust.... Trust you are on the right path.... Trust in Him...Trust in whoever you believe in.... Trust that He is taking you down the right path....

~Pray, Pray, PRAY!!!!!!!!!!

~Talk to your friends, bounce ideas off of them....

~Have a good pout.....

~Pray AGAIN!!!!

I have the Will to follow what I am designed for! 

And then when you feel some discouragement again, Remember, He will direct your steps!!!!!

Self Doubt VS Self Worth

I have struggled greatly with self doubt. I often times do not feel like I am "good enough" to do said thing....

I am not sure why I have always doubted what I was capable of... you could probably link it abuse early on, or you could say it came from the media telling me I was not skinny enough or tan enough or fit enough, or maybe it was caused in high school because I didn't quiet fit in with any group of girls.... Who really knows what my self doubt stemmed  from.... I just know, as long as I can remember, I have struggled with doubting what I could accomplish. I have always had poor self esteem and because I lacked the proper view of myself, i felt as if I was not good enough to do anything well.

I can not tell you the number of things I have wanted to do over the years, but have given up on right after starting out of fear, fear of failure, fear of not meeting approval, fear of not living up to what I truly wanted to do. I know, I know..... so stupid, right?? I gave up because I was afraid I would not meet my own expectations... Looking back, I realize just how silly this was.... But in the middle of it, I could not see past my own self doubt. And on to compound it, because of my low self esteem, I found myself in numerous bad relationships, where I was always told I was not good enough.

So.... I had my prior bad experiences telling me I was no good, I had media telling me I was not perfect (far from it actually), I didn't really fit in with a "group", and I had relationship after relationship telling me I could not do anything right or keep anything good.... How was I supposed to view myself in a good light when I had all these other forces fighting against me, breaking me down from the inside....

Now, breaking my self doubt and regaining my self worth did NOT happen over night... although, sometimes it feels like it did... I think I had been slowly getting little pieces of myself back each day.... Then one day, I just realized, I am so much better than what they say I am. I am stronger than they say I am!!!

So, how did I regaining control of myself, build my self confidence back up? It was not really any actions I took.... Weeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllll, ok......so kicking dirt bags to the curb was a huge step. Not allowing a man who is supposed to be your life mate to physically abuse you helps a ton.... The constant abuse was finally to a point where I stood up and said ENOUGH!!!!!  But after that, it was not really an action changing things.... It is mind set I got into... Have you watched the movie The Help? Where the Aibileen tells the little white girl, "You is Kind! You is Smart! You is Important!"......It was a lot like that... Each morning, and many times throughout the day, I would remind myself, I am important! I have Value! I am better than they think I am!!!! I AM SUPERWOMEN!!!!!!! (being a working single mom I had to tell myself I was superwomen just to help get through the day)......

But the biggest mental tilt came when I had Elijah. Now I am not going to retell that whole story because its to long...But please go back and read Elijah's birthstory if you have not. I was my "LIFE CHANGING EARTH SHATTERING MOMENT!"  Was I really ok with who I was, Would I be happy with what I had accomplished, if in fact I had died? I know that sounds so crazy, but these were real thoughts I had while I was in the hospital missing my brand new baby and all my other babies... Would those babies be proud of what "Legacy" I would leave behind if I did not make it?

My Answer: Absolutely not! I had not accomplished anything! I stood for nothing! I had never fought for anything!!! Things were changing.... right there in the yucky hospital room.... my life was forever changing!!!! At that moment, I seized all of my control back. I grabbed hold of all my self doubt and left it right there in the hospital when I checked out.

I had regained my self worth and valued my life and what I stood for!!! And you better believe I was on a mission to let everyone know!!!!!!!

Castle Lake Trail and Family Adventures

We decided we would take all five kids on a hiking trip this weekend. We really wanted to go to Mossbrae Falls, but from everything I have read, the trail is still closed and Union Pacific will cite you for trespassing on tracks to get out there, so we chose not risk a ticket.... Plus since we were out numbered on our Adult to Child ratio, I didn't feel all that comfortable hiking down the railroad tracks for a full mile. So we decided to go on up to Mt. Shasta and hike around Castle Lake and Heart Lake. Oh my am I glad we did!!!! It was truly breath taking!!!!!!

The surface elevation of Castle Lake is 5,440 feet above sea level. The lake itself is beautiful, backed by a huge glacier carved area of granite. I was truly in awe of all the natural beauty around us, that often gets missed because we are to busy to notice! We decided to go hike first, even though the kids wanted to swim first (I was afraid we wouldn't get them out of the water to actually hike!)

Side note: once we were up there, I couldn't log on to check the map of the hike on the website.... Future reference, I will definitely be printing the directions/map/trail info next time we area going into an area we have never hiked...

Needless to say, we took the wrong trail, however I think where we ended up was one of the most beautiful locations I have ever been in my life!!

We hiked up and over the ridge, climbing a good 1000+ feet in elevation!!! It was pretty steep and if you do this hike, make sure you have good traction, close toed shoes... This hike was not for sissies!!!! I did have to take a few breaks along the way... (I'm still fairly out of shape from bed rest and heart issues.... And the extreme elevation was seriously working against me..... Plus I was packing my chubby monkey boy on my back while my hubs had the 2.5 yr old on his)

Up and up and up we went... And up some more.... The kids joked that we were hiking to the top of the world! Little did they know, we actually were!!!! We hiked up past the timber line! (Now on the actual Mt. Shasta, the timber line stops at 8000ft but I am not sure we were that high.) But once we got to the top you could see everything!!! It was truly the most beautiful view I have ever witnessed in my life!!!



The kids found Bigfoots signs (stacks of rocks they swear he left), succulents growing in the rocks they swore only grew in the desert, and views for miles..... No joke, you could probably see for a couple hundred miles up there!! Pristine Views!!!!! We could see everything from where we were, Mt Shasta to Mt Lassen to Mt McLaughlin, the Eddy Range and even Castle Crags!!!! What an amazing and breath taking world we get the privilege of living in!!!!

We spent close to an hour at the top, just looking and watching and being present!! I caught this rare moment of the two oldest just being buddies and hanging out! A priceless moment that I could never have planned and that I will always cherish!!!!




We then hiked back down the side of the ridge, and here is where good traction shoes comes into play the most. Coming down the granite and shale slope was a little tricky packing a babe.... But only one of the kids fell coming down and it was because he jumped off a ledge and landed in some loose shale.... The hike made everyone nice and sweaty, so even though it was only 75 degrees and the water was fresh snow melt, everyone got into the water in the lake!

We ended the day with dinner at a local, family owned restaurant in Mt Shasta. Everyone worked so hard on the hike, they were starving by dinner!!

All in all, it was an amazing day with pristine views!!!!!!

The Pinnacle Moment My Life Changed Forever

These past few months have been a time of self reflection. I knew I wanted to change my mindset back in January when I started this blog. I truly had no idea that I would be a completely changed person just by changing the way I thought about a couple of things. So lets go back..... Lets start with Elijah's birth story....

The pinnacle moment my life changed (without me even realizing it)....

I had an extremely trying pregnancy with Elijah. I had 3 pre-term babies before him, so I was bound and determined to stay pregnant as long as I possibly could, not matter what it took. I went on bed rest at 18weeks after a minor procedure to help me stay pregnant. Bed rest, was trying in its self... I have 4 other children so....... You can imagine how well that went over... At approximately 20 weeks I started feeling "off"... Out of breath, dizzy, tired.... You know, normal pregnancy symptoms... But it wasn't normal for me, it was very "off" for me. The Doctor, bless his heart, was reassuring that it was all normal stuff and every pregnancy was different.

Fast forward about 8 weeks.... My "normal" symptoms had become so bad that I was ceasing to function. I was so shaky and so dizzy, that I had to sit down in the shower. I had to sit on a stool to prepare dinner for the kids. I even remember a few evenings that I was so "sick" after being up cooking that I couldn't even sit up with them to eat, but walking to the living room was to far, so I laid on the floor right by the table..... I was that bad. But every time I would go into the office, my Doctor would check my blood pressure and heart beats, everything was always low but within normal limits. I was fine on my blood sugars and every other blood test they preformed came back normal..... This was not normal though..... They kept telling me that it was just the stress of having 4 other children while being on bed rest.... I knew in the pit of my stomach that they were wrong.... I just had no idea how wrong all the specialists actually were.

The day I was 36 weeks pregnant, I went into the hospital to have a minor procedure to remove the sutures that were helping me keep the baby in. In a matter of an hour, my entire world would be turned upside down. The procedure to remove the sutures went just as planned with no complications. I was wheeled into recovery to wait for my spinal block to wear off. I could feel the attack coming but I thought/was hoping it was the spinal block wearing off that was making me feel "off".....

As soon as I saw my nurses face, I knew that was not the case. My heart was crashing and I was in sustained Ventricular Tachycardia, a serious life threatening arrhythmia that can cause sudden death. All of a sudden I was caught in a whirl wind of activity. I had 4 doctors and several nurses surrounding me, attending to me, but discussing me as if I was not even there..... It was very surreal to hear the Doctors say things to each other like sudden death, flat line, heart giving out, cardio vert her (the shiny metal shocking paddles)..... I'm sitting right here... And I'm pregnant.... And you need to calm down right now.... Was what I wanted to scream.... But I couldn't find the words!! Was this really happening to me? Was I dying right here when it was supposed to be a simple thing?

I begged them to get my husband... They kept telling me he was coming, but he wasn't... It seemed like an hour before they brought him in... Although I am sure it wasn't actually that long.... I vaguely remember them telling me we had to do an emergency c-section so they could cardio-vert my heart.... If they did it while he was still inside, it would flatline him, with no way to correct him..... I don't know if I agreed, I'm sure I did, but I never signed the consent form until hours after... I remember starting to cry and thinking to myself that I couldn't because I needed to hold it together since I was still alone.... I asked one of the NICU nurses that works with my mom to call her, she told me no, that she couldn't ...

That was the moment I knew I was really in trouble....

They began to wheel me back into the OR for the emergency c-section without my husband. I begged for them to please stop and get him. About that time, they finally brought him in.... By this time, I had been in sustained V-Tach for (my guess by the chart chart records) about 30-40 minutes... I was not even in the OR for two full minutes before they had the baby out... (Thank goodness my spinal block had not worn off or they would have had to put me to sleep)... I heard him cry, just barely though, through the ringing in my ears.... I could honestly feel myself starting to pass out.... The sweet nurse brought him over to me and leaned him down so I could kiss him.... I had no idea this was the last moment I would get to see his soft skin or breath in his glorious newborn scent for 3 full days!!!! I don't remember much right after they took him. He was gone and I couldn't see him and that was all I could think of. They corrected my rhythm (for the time being) and sent me to surgical recovery as opposed OB recovery and rules say no visitors there. So Joseph must have gone out to be with the baby at that point although I don't really remember. I stayed in recovery for a couple hours where I continued to go in and out of V-Tach.

Finally, they decided to move me to ICU.... Here I was, thinking I was going to get to have the baby come in my room for a bit.... But once in ICU I had a new round of nurses who were truly panicking over the state of my heart.... They would come RUNNING in every few minutes to watch me while my heart went in and out of V-Tach... They gave me various medicines to try and correct it, one that even stopped my heart and then would allow it to restart, in hopes that it would restart in the right rhythm. That was one of the most bizarre feelings. I could actually feel my heart stop beating, pause, and then restart again.... I would not recommend that to anyone, ever....

This went on for the next day and a half... They wouldn't let me go down to see the baby for obvious reasons, but they wouldn't let anyone bring the baby up to me either, which was honestly killing me. By the end of the second day, my Doctor agreed to move me to a Telemetry Monitoring Unit, so I could go see the baby while still being on the heart monitors. I actually got excited that I would get to go see him. Little did I know, the deplorable nature of the nurses on the new unit. This group of nurses were the worst bunch of nurses I have ever been exposed to in my entire life. I can't even begin to tell you everything but it ranged from waiting well over an hour to help me get out of bed and walk to the bathroom for the first time since 2 days before when I went in for the first procedure (I ended up getting up myself and crying because the pain was so bad, without them coming to check on me) to them refusing to let me go to see my baby. They claimed my heart was to stressed to sit in a wheelchair and be pushed to the NICU, yet they "let" me get up on my own for the first time.... It ended with me screaming, not just yelling, but screaming at the nurses and calling them incompetent. The other patients could hear, Heck, I'm pretty sure other floors could hear me. My Cardiologist told me I could go see my baby, yet my nurses were claiming I wasn't allowed to... Mama Bear instincts kicked in....Aaaannnndddddd someone may or may not have ordered me anti anxiety meds (that I never took.... I didn't have anxiety, I was just pissed!!!)

My Doctor had decided to fly me out to another hospital to have a heart surgery that our hospital could not perform. It was the end of the 3rd day and I still had not even seen my baby, except that swift kiss in the middle of a sterile OR.... I sat on the edge of the bed and proclaimed that I would refuse to get on the transport unless I got to go see my baby right that minute... (In my head I was afraid for him, afraid I would die, afraid he would never know me, except for that fleeting moment we shared in the OR that he would never remember..... ) The pain I was feeling was suffocating and I was so terrified to admit that I was afraid I would die.... I had a brand new baby and 4 other children (who I also had not been allowed to see since I went in for that 'minor' procedure 3 days earlier..... Finally, the lame nurses agreed to let me go to see my baby, but I was only allowed 20 minutes... Hearing my time restriction was soul crushing... I honestly was terrified of dying on the table during surgery and they were telling me that I only had 20 minutes with my baby!

I drank up every second of that 20 minutes..... And once the 20 minute mark passed, I didn't rush to hurry back to the incompetent nurses, I just waited for them to call for me to come back. I waited until me last possible second to leave him, because I was stricken with fear that this was all he would know of me. I left the hospital an hour later, alone and scared to face a heart surgery with a three day old baby and 4 other children depending on me.

I decided right there in the transport, that I would make every minute count. I would make every day an important day. I didn't know how...but I would be a better Mom because of this. I was going to fight with all my love to get my heart right.

So here we are! Because of that one day, one horrible, awful, painful, soul searching, life changing, world tipping day.... I am here, I am better person. A better wife. And a better mother....

Because at that moment, my life changed forever!!!

Movie Date... To real for my own good!!!!

So I read the Nicolas Sparks book, Safe Haven and loved it! In fact, I was amazed by it. The author has a way with his words, sending you right to the spot, making you feel all the feelings.... I am mesmerized when an author can do this....

The little kids were out of town, being over-indulged by their "Disneyland Dad", and Preston wanted to go to the movies... We had already missed the start of his movie, so we went to see Safe Haven! I was thrilled!!!! Honestly, I was so excited to see this movie because it really hit home with me on the Domestic Violence issue....

What happened next I was absolutely not expecting....(and luckily Preston was so engrossed in his popcorn and candy that he didn't notice!)...  I have been out of my situation for 6.5 years and happily married for 3 years next month, now that is not to say the abuse stopped 6.5 years ago, but I removed myself from the house then. I had read the book, read the abuse, knew the pain and the fear, the shear terror the character was going to face.... I was prepared for it! Little did I know, that seeing the images of real live people in these situations as opposed to words on a page, would send me into panic attacks.... Full blow panic attack right there in the theater, even though I knew it would all end ok. I couldn't breath, my chest was tight, my hands were sweating.... I couldn't believe I was reacting like this after so long...

After we were home, something set me off; a smell, a sound.... I am not sure what it was but I had a flashback and was terrified that he was here to hurt me, even though I knew full well he was out of town with my children...

Flashbacks and panic attacks are very common among victims of trauma or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder victims. Flashback is described as a sudden and disturbing vivid memory of an event in the past, typically as the result of a psychological trauma.



I was shaking, felt like I was spinning, I was starting to slip for the reality that was right in front of me, that I was safe in my own house, without "him"..... I felt like I had no control over it....

During my abuse, I told no one. I put a wall around me and I didn't allow anyone in to see my reality, my pain, my horror I was enduring every day. To survive, I shut that part of my feelings off, I locked them away, because to get through the day, I had to "pretend" or tell myself everything was ok... After I had moved out but long before the emotional abuse and stalking ended, I began having flashbacks. Vivid surreal visions of everything happening all over again.




Since then, I have began to heal.... Actually I have come a long way in the healing process... I "usually" no longer have flashbacks (this movie being the exception....) I don't have panic attacks anymore, although I do get very stressed if I have to do a visitation exchange alone with "him"....

Here are some tips to help with Flashbacks/Panic Attacks

~Tell yourself this isn't happening, that you are having a flashback

~Tell yourself that you already survived this! These are memories and although bad, you are past it and you are no longer in that situation! Celebrate that you are free from this!

~Ground Yourself. Remind yourself you are in the Present, not the Past Memory. Stomp your feet, splash water on your face, step outside.... Try to bring yourself back to the now... You freed yourself from the abuser!!!

~Breathe!!!!! Take some good, deep, cleansing breaths!!! As a result of stress we tend to hold our breath. Panic sets in from lack of oxygen. Pounding head, dizziness, sweating, faint feeling and shakiness are symptoms of lack of oxygen but add to the panic feeling....

~ See you are safe. Look around the room. Notice the pictures, the colors, the textures. See that your abuser is not there, that you are safe.

~Give your self a boundary. This will help you to feel like your not crawling out of your skin. Put on a hoody, wrap yourself in a blanket, sit in a smaller space, let yourself feel protected from the outside.

~Get Support. Even if you want/need to be alone, it's important to let people close to you know what you are going through so they can help you with the process. You can ask them to be with you or to give you some space, but either way, don't keep it bottled up.

~Take some time to recover.... Take a bath, lay down, have some hot tea..... Take some time to relax, what you just felt was traumatic and exhausting.

~Celebrate that YOU SURVIVED this horrible experience! You are strong!!!!

~Be patient with yourself. It takes time to heal. What you have gone through was horrific. Take care of yourself, of your feelings!!!

We'll call it Spring Cleaning I guess....

So I will spare you the details, but I spent a majority of the last few days disinfecting our home from the flu virus. We all came down with it.... Carry your hand sanitizer folks, that's all I can say, it was not fun!!!!

Once I finished disinfecting, I figured I would go ahead and start purging the closets for spring.  This is a real sore spot for me.  I love, Love, LOVE organized closets.... But, I have an obsessive urge to keep every article of clothing.  I have a weird fear of not having enough clothes for the kids. Not that we didn't have clothes as a child, we absolutely never went without, but we only had a few... My Mom did the washing every single day and we just rotated what we had. I am fairly thrifty and rarely buy new clothes, although I do at Back to School time... Most of my shopping is done at second hand stores or is from friends as hand me downs... But, in all honesty, my children could have probably gone an entire month with me washing anything but socks and skivvies..... You can imagine what my closets/dressers looked like.... If there is a magic number of outfits that each child should have, please let me know!!!! I cut down drastically and I am sooooooo happy with what I have done! For the boys, I planned on keeping 7 pair of pants, 7 pair of shorts, a handful of nice shirts and approximately 15 tee-shirts....  For the girls I had to add for skirts and dresses and sweaters and camis, but you get the drift....

So here is my plan, I took all the hangers and turned them to face out.  When fall comes, if the hanger is still facing out, it needs to be donated because it was never worn. I have been doing this in my own closet for years, but never thought to use this in my children's. I am the one who puts away the majority of their clothes, especially the "hang ups" as my kiddos call it....

So here is Leigham's side of the closet (since the boys share)... In here he has (some were still in the wash) 4 short sleeve polo shirts, 2 short sleeve button downs and 1 long sleeve dress shirt, 3 long sleeve flannel shirts (his obsession right now), 10 pair of jeans-khakis-dress pants,  5 hoodies........

And here is everything I have pulled out of all our (mine included) closets/dressers!!!!!

Now, in my defense, 2 full bags are Elijah's clothes that he just grew out of (He just jumped 3.5lbs over night!), 1.5 bags are Charlie Anne's she has finally grown out of (She was still wearing size 12mth in most stuff), and 1 bag is all newborn things (burp rags, receiving blankets, Ect....)

Later today, I will be take all of these bags to the Women's Refuge. Many women leave their Domestic Violence situation with just the clothes on their backs.  When I left my DV abuser, I only had 2 laundry baskets of essentials for my 3 babies and myself.   If this can help out a handful of Moms and their children, I would rather that happen than have my drawers overflowing. If you have things you are wanting to donate, please take them to Shasta Family Justice Center at the Downtown Mall. (And yes, I sorted all of the washed, purged clothes by size and gender as well... more to make it easier for the Refuge to give out than for my own OCD, but sorting it still felt great!!)

And, last but not least.... My daily reminder of my New Year~New Me Resolution.  This is in my entry hall. We see it every time we come and go. We see if any time we have guests. I can even see it from my rocking chair in the living room :) Make yourself a reminder to slow down, savor your babies while they are babies, love your Littles while they are truly little.

And always remember...

Cherish the little things...

Pay Attention and do not miss the Simple Joys in Life!!!!