The little kids were out of town, being over-indulged by their "Disneyland Dad", and Preston wanted to go to the movies... We had already missed the start of his movie, so we went to see Safe Haven! I was thrilled!!!! Honestly, I was so excited to see this movie because it really hit home with me on the Domestic Violence issue....
What happened next I was absolutely not expecting....(and luckily Preston was so engrossed in his popcorn and candy that he didn't notice!)... I have been out of my situation for 6.5 years and happily married for 3 years next month, now that is not to say the abuse stopped 6.5 years ago, but I removed myself from the house then. I had read the book, read the abuse, knew the pain and the fear, the shear terror the character was going to face.... I was prepared for it! Little did I know, that seeing the images of real live people in these situations as opposed to words on a page, would send me into panic attacks.... Full blow panic attack right there in the theater, even though I knew it would all end ok. I couldn't breath, my chest was tight, my hands were sweating.... I couldn't believe I was reacting like this after so long...
After we were home, something set me off; a smell, a sound.... I am not sure what it was but I had a flashback and was terrified that he was here to hurt me, even though I knew full well he was out of town with my children...
Flashbacks and panic attacks are very common among victims of trauma or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder victims. Flashback is described as a sudden and disturbing vivid memory of an event in the past, typically as the result of a psychological trauma.
I was shaking, felt like I was spinning, I was starting to slip for the reality that was right in front of me, that I was safe in my own house, without "him"..... I felt like I had no control over it....
During my abuse, I told no one. I put a wall around me and I didn't allow anyone in to see my reality, my pain, my horror I was enduring every day. To survive, I shut that part of my feelings off, I locked them away, because to get through the day, I had to "pretend" or tell myself everything was ok... After I had moved out but long before the emotional abuse and stalking ended, I began having flashbacks. Vivid surreal visions of everything happening all over again.
Since then, I have began to heal.... Actually I have come a long way in the healing process... I "usually" no longer have flashbacks (this movie being the exception....) I don't have panic attacks anymore, although I do get very stressed if I have to do a visitation exchange alone with "him"....
Here are some tips to help with Flashbacks/Panic Attacks
~Tell yourself this isn't happening, that you are having a flashback
~Tell yourself that you already survived this! These are memories and although bad, you are past it and you are no longer in that situation! Celebrate that you are free from this!
~Ground Yourself. Remind yourself you are in the Present, not the Past Memory. Stomp your feet, splash water on your face, step outside.... Try to bring yourself back to the now... You freed yourself from the abuser!!!
~Breathe!!!!! Take some good, deep, cleansing breaths!!! As a result of stress we tend to hold our breath. Panic sets in from lack of oxygen. Pounding head, dizziness, sweating, faint feeling and shakiness are symptoms of lack of oxygen but add to the panic feeling....
~ See you are safe. Look around the room. Notice the pictures, the colors, the textures. See that your abuser is not there, that you are safe.
~Give your self a boundary. This will help you to feel like your not crawling out of your skin. Put on a hoody, wrap yourself in a blanket, sit in a smaller space, let yourself feel protected from the outside.
~Get Support. Even if you want/need to be alone, it's important to let people close to you know what you are going through so they can help you with the process. You can ask them to be with you or to give you some space, but either way, don't keep it bottled up.
~Take some time to recover.... Take a bath, lay down, have some hot tea..... Take some time to relax, what you just felt was traumatic and exhausting.
~Celebrate that YOU SURVIVED this horrible experience! You are strong!!!!
~Be patient with yourself. It takes time to heal. What you have gone through was horrific. Take care of yourself, of your feelings!!!
